dress from Pink Blush (HERE)
There are so many things I want to say to you before your baby brother comes next month and writing them out is the best way I know how. Two nights ago, I laid in bed with you for over an hour after you fell asleep, watching you rest so peacefully and crying bittersweet tears onto your tacky Spongebob bedspread. Your Daddy came in and checked on us after awhile, confused as to why I was laying beside you crying. I finally muffled, "I just hope he always knows how much I love him".
You see, I know it's a common fear of mothers that their first born will feel replaced or jealous once a second child comes along. But that's the interesting part- I know you won't feel that way at all. You're thrilled for your little brother's arrival and can't wait to meet him. You're old enough to understand what's happening and have had lots of time to get all of mine and Daddy's full attention. You are such an amazing helper with your new puppy, Dasher, and love anytime you're around babies. We know you will be the best big brother and will fall right into your new sibling role effortlessly.
And that's what breaks my heart. Seeing what a good boy you are, knowing how much you want a sibling- I am so proud to be your Mommy that it hurts. It hurts a little bit that I will have to share my love with another child, that I can no longer give it all to you. I know that you will always be my baby- that will never change no matter what- but the thought of not being able to give you all of my love and attention causes me some guilt. I know that's normal (and has a lot to do with these things called hormones which I'll explain to you when you're much older), but it doesn't change the fact that I feel it. And more than anything, I want you to always know just how loved you are.
The moment you were born, my life and your Daddy's changed forever. The second we held your tiny (yet, not so tiny) hand, we felt a love we've never ever known. You gave us that love. You taught us what it means to experience that love, to be a parent. No-one else will ever have the title of our "first born", nor can they take it away. You made me a Mommy that day, and you made your Daddy a daddy, our favorite and most important roles we've ever been given. That will never change, no matter what, but our love for you will. It will continue to grow with each passing day, as it somehow has for the past five years. When we see you as a big brother, we'll only love you more. When you start kindergarten, we'll only love you more. When you go off to college and I cry for a week straight (hopefully not still on the Spongebob comforter), we'll only love you more.
You are our world, Bear Clayton, and we are so proud to call you our son. Today, tomorrow, and for the rest of our days.
"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."
Love you always,
*Thank you to PinkBlush for sponsoring this post. As always, all opinions are my own. Head over to Instagram (@brittfullwood) where I'm giving away $100 to PinkBlush!
*Photos by Ban Avenue Photography
dress from Pink Blush (HERE)